BBC’s A Very British Scandal shows how posh people are destroying the English language like no one else – Susan Morrison

A Very British Scandal tells the story of Margaret, Duchess of Argyll, and her divorce from the Duke in the 1960s (Photo: Topical Press Agency / Hulton Archive / Getty Images)

It’s awesome, like a high calorie dessert, and it’s worth watching the Claire Foy way with lipstick alone.

We are causing a scandal in the United Kingdom. It’s the aristocrats. They seem to be behaving extremely badly. I mean the same goes for the yahoos pulling the toupee of the lower orders, but one step outside the line for Sharon from Bathgate and social services would add up.

Margaret, Duchess of Argyll was not only a very naughty woman, she was also a woman who kissed not only many men, but modern technology as well.

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She has preserved photographic evidence of her energetic efforts, something previously racy titled women lacked access. If the illustrious and equally scandalous Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire (1757-1806) had wanted a memory of her adulterous moments, then she should have relied on the swift work of a designer.

It’s a bit of a mood killer, I imagine, having an artistic guy in the room shouting “hold this pose, Your Grace.”

The technology Mags used was a Polaroid, which fell into the hands of her husband, the 11th Duke of Argyll, and sparked one of Scotland’s most salacious divorces.

If A Very British Scandal is to be believed, the aristos of the 1960s spent a lot of time in each other’s company, smoking, drinking and partying. This explains a mystery that I have pondered for many years, namely how exactly did the Terran nobility fill their time?

After you’ve hunted and shot and fished or whatever you do in a castle, what do you do with your time? And now I know, and I feel like they’re so forceful about it.

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All of these jumps must have been very tiring, which is why, I imagine, neither Marguerite nor the Duke learned to pronounce the word Inveraray correctly.

The fantastic Clair Foy and Paul Bettany both took note of how the warring Argylls pronounced the castle’s name. It’s Inver-rar-ray. I checked the special “how to pronounce things” website, but his lordship and wife constantly insisted on calling him “InverarAh”.

You see. Fancy people cannot speak well. In addition to mutilating the name of an entire Scottish town, they forever paste letters into words where they are not allowed to be. Take the letter R. What is it doing in the word “drawing”? Even BBC readers can be guilty of saying “drawRing”. Well, Nicholas Witchell, anyway.

“Disabled”. A simple and straightforward word, so why the people titled “Get My Land” below?

I dare say this, but even our beloved queen, Clan Chieftaness of Clan McPosh, can sometimes be a little difficult to understand as the vowels get longer and all non-R consonants are cut off, as if they had been rationed during the war and she never used to use them. The word “yes” can take hours and the “s” remains silent. A random R sometimes sneaks into “Yeeeerrsss”.

I haven’t checked the pronunciation of the current Duke from his family seat, but I’m telling you, if you ever go up against one of those Champagne Charlies on Countdown, you’ll walk it. These people cannot manage their consonants.

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About Walter Bartholomew

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