I love the food pages of the newspapers, between their Bolognese sauce recipes and their reviews of locavore bistros. They tell us how to eat well, and that’s something that has real value. Thinking about what we put in our body is never a bad thing.
That said, sometimes I just feel like grabbing junk food and shoving greedy handfuls of it in my stupid face. There isn’t much junk food coverage on the food pages, and this feature seeks to remedy that.
In each bi-weekly edition of Pat Eats Garbage Food, I’ll review another fast food product or convenience store snack and let you know what works and what doesn’t. (You’ll notice I didn’t say what’s good and what’s bad; everything is bad. That’s the point.)
This week we’re turning to the Cadbury Creme Egg, the seasonal delicacy that’s spent the past five days on clearance at your local grocery store. You know those: hollow chocolate eggs stuffed with gooey fondant dyed to look like the albumen and yolk of a real chicken egg. Because kids (and kids at heart) love nothing more than a candy with the look and feel of a raw egg. It offers all the pleasure of consuming a raw animal product without any risk of salmonella.
Before going any further in our review of this particular foodstuff, I should point out that while researching this coin, I learned that in 1962, one of the senior executives of the Cadbury company took his retirement. This man, a hero of the First World War, became managing director of Cadbury on his return from the fighting and served the company for more than four decades. He retired for a year—ONE YEAR! – before Cadbury subsidiary Fry’s Chocolates introduced what, within a decade, would become known as the Cadbury Creme Egg, a product that would become synonymous with “Easter sweets” around the world.
The name of this man? Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not kidding: Egbert Cadbury. EGBERT! I will never cease to be delighted.
About a dollar per egg, with small variations depending on the retailer. And you can get a five-pack for around $4. If you’re a real weirdo, you can get a 48-unit box for $32.99 on Amazon.
150 calories, 6 grams fat, 4 grams saturated fat, 15 mg sodium, 20 grams sugar in each 1.2 ounce egg. These numbers aren’t great. But, like, no duh; it’s a candy egg filled with sugar sauce.
From www.cadburyusa.com: “It just isn’t Easter until you’ve savored the unique milk chocolate shell and soft, melty center of a Cadbury Creme Egg. Treat yourself and everyone you love to a classic Easter treat that will leave everyone jumping for joy.
You’ll notice the official description opens with a nod to lore – “It’s just not Easter…” – and that makes sense, because that’s all the Cadbury Creme Egg is all about. has to offer. You eat it because it’s associated with a specific time of year, and going through the ritual of opening and eating one makes you feel like the world isn’t such a cruel, indifferent place. . But, as is the case with candy canes or candy corn, once a year is really enough. There are better candies out there. Most sweets are better.
What does it do
He feels good. Of the roughly 25,000 calories I consumed over the Easter weekend, the 150 in the Cadbury Creme Egg weren’t the ones that really hurt me. You know what would feel wrong, though? Shoot down not one, but two zeppelins to help the Crown repel the Kaiser in the Great War; then work 40 years for your family’s chocolate business, helping it grow into an international giant, one of the biggest names in the confectionery industry; then retire and leave it all to a new generation that almost immediately makes the company even more famous with a new product: the Cadbury egg. And your name is Egbert Cadbury, which never meant much before, somehow, but suddenly everyone thinks it’s hilarious. It’s like a burger chef named Quarterpounderton McDonald’s. I hope old Egbert saw some humor in it.
Will I eat it again?
Not if there are Reese’s eggs around.
4 out of 10, inedible, gets points for being a globally popular and historically significant candy.
Pat Muir is a former writer for the Yakima Herald-Republic whose Pat Eats Garbage Food column ran from 2018-2020. She appears in Explore bi-weekly.